Thursday, November 12, 2009

Hyperbole-And-A-Half Falls Very Short Of Being Hyperbole, Even

blog url: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com

The first thing you will notice when you arrive at Hyperbole and a Half is a picture. It is a picture of the author contorted into a pose that calls to mind a dragon, or lion or possibly even a moose in heat. It will probably make you uncomfortable, but scroll on because there is more discomfort to be had yet!

The next thing you will notice is a lengthy description of the blog, written in obnoxiously different fonts. At the end of this description, the readers are promised free candy. I want to stress that there have been absolutely no reports of someone actually receiving free candy from this blog. This is irritating to say the least because free candy is hard to come by when you are an adult and it is not Halloween and you don’t have any children to send out into the streets to retrieve bags and bags of candy that you will later steal from them. But I digress…

The content of the blog is comprised mostly of personal anecdotes, inane observations, psychotic ramblings and letters the author writes to inanimate objects which is a concept entirely out of my comprehension. Nevertheless, it is a completely delightful read, if for no other reason than it makes people feel better about their own shortcomings and failures. This can be an uncomfortable experience for the faint of heart – mainly because you will be drawn into a world where there are no boundaries and repeatedly molested with words until you either give up or become desensitized.

The layout of this blog is… interesting. It appears as though the author simply photographed a yellow line drawn onto a piece of plain white paper and then changed the saturation of the photograph to produce a slightly blue tint which is almost uniform across the page but not quite. It is infuriating to notice that the yellow line does not quite meet up with itself when the image is repeated and that the blue at the top of one image and at the bottom of the next are not quite exactly the same hue but close enough to deceive the untrained eye. The author seems to deem this good enough and went right ahead with using it as her background despite these markedly unprofessional errors. It would be best to view this blog with your monitor dimmed.

Overall, I give the blog a C+… mostly because there was never any candy where candy was promised.
________________________________________
contributing reviewer/ee
Allie B. from Hyperbole-And-A-Half

17 comments:

The Crap Blog Detective said...

The review is crap.

Allie said...

Yeah, but you totally love my blog. And my furniture. Sycophantic douche bad.

Ed Adams said...

I think the blog review is accurate.

However, CBD's hat is total crap.

Allie said...

Thanks Ed! I think? :)

Steph said...

I think the review is fairly accurate but it doesn't fully capture the blogs awesomeness. However, this makes the review seem modest and when people read this and decide to visit Hyperbole-And-A-Half they will be mind blown and impressed by the reviews original modesty. Which equals win.

CBD, if you weren't such a douche you'd probably have friends. maybe.

ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND said...

I was a practicing homosexual practicing with other homosexuals. I saw a strip video of Allie on her blog and now I believe I am homosexual free, my homosexuality just fell off, like an extra limb. Thank you Allie for turning me on to what a hot mama bean you are.

Ellie said...

Allie's going to give me head. It may be MS paint head, and therefore not as good as iHead, but she promised.

The Crap Blog Detective said...

Since my last review you have reached rock bottom, and have started digging.

dogimo said...

He's saying you have achieved a firm, tight, muscular booty and he digs it.

I'm always available to help decode the Britishisms. Which is what they over there use in place of witticisms.

Jasmine said...

You're digging through ROCK, Allie. Do you know how bad ass that is? Really bad ass is the answer.

Emily said...

I LOVE that CBD is completely addicted to your blog, and either reads it obsessively or actively searches throughout the entire internet for any mention of you. Maybe both. It's probably just because you rock harder than anyone's ever rocked in the history of rocking.

thelastmoondance said...

I think it's time you took a restraining order out against the CBD, Allie. His stalking has reached rock bottom. Time for this douche bad to seek professional help :)

dogimo said...

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

*sniff*

Lord, but how do I miss the Crap Blog Detective.

Every problem has a solution, though. Laser scope, perhaps! That, or maybe just a bit more practice down on the ol' free-range chicken farm.

Oh, that's kind of bad. Sorry Asshole Boyfriend! It was your chicken lollipop that beguiled me into such an antianimal stance. But don't worry! I load my piece with paintball birdshot containing pure frozen chicken broth. I find it kills the bird while leaving its delicious soul untouched.

I wonder if I should re-open up this ol' thing? Would anybody be interested?

Mage Chartreux said...

No, please do not re-open this account. It's an annoying account. This account annoys many people. It is like an annoying little hole of sadness, depression, and well-written anti-humor, if you 'catch my drift'. In all, I believe that the world is slightly better off without it.

dogimo said...

Haha! Mage Chartreux, your remark is delightful!

I think you're talking about the Crap Blog Detective account? If you're talking about Review Your Own Blog, it would be pretty funny, since all the blog reviews are written by...the people who own the blog being reviewed. Presumably they can take their own criticism.

However in case I've mistaken you, and you're taking about RYOB not the CBD, I am certainly okay with that too, and I am well able to take your criticism. In a case like that, I'd love to hear more about how you see it, particularly as depressing or sad. Most of the contributors seemed pretty cheery about their blogs, I thought.

But mostly I'd love to hear it since then I can lay claim to your remark: "well-written." Grateful claim, in that case.

dogimo said...

You know what? I can see it. Could see it, I mean - quite a few folks do hard-pedal the self-deprecation angle, creating (arguably) an sad or depressing effect, and some efforts could certainly be classed as anti-humor. Let alone the permanent hiatus - always a bit of melancholy there, a starting surge of cheerful mayhem and then it sputters out. In short, if it was directed towards Review Your Own Blog I wouldn't challenge the assessment! I was just feeling as if your remarks are probably a better fit to the Crap Blog Detective, the "well-written" for instance. I'd still have to say I'd lean in that direction.

In any case, I was just curious. Thank you for your comment, quite belatedly.

Jessica Craig said...

Is that really your best shot? "Crap"? Are you 12 or something?